A classic guide, revisited.


Diabloii.Net Member
A classic guide, revisited.

A guy named chrisbeddoes posted this long ago. I still have the text, as it turns out. I wonder if it still works in 1.10 . . . Enjoy!

Uber buriza pkownage slow 9 year old fatty guide.

Now let mishelf get intro toy you .
I am most fatty 9 year old big kiddo.I am 200 lbs and on my way becoming 500 .
I pk ownage .

Well i do not write this guide because i dont know to type . My 6 year old brother knows . I promised him big gift he got punches now he types for me.

I am poor kiddo dont have $$$ for wonterfull e-by hackez items .
And i have a life beating other thin children all the time and noobz geeks.I havent got time to play this diabla for years

But with this wonterful giude that i got after i beat other thin noob i became slowazon burrito ownage pk Yea !

Lets start.
Make smarted guy install diabla and loda for you .
Then create ama in softacore.

Now dont even think about playing the game you noob.
Start begging everyone
I need rush i need rush
Go to all channels say you noob and beg for rush and itemz

Now eventually you find a sucker that gonna rush you to normal . Make someone smarter than you write his namez so that you can pikai him after later.

Repeat rinse . After one hour you play hell cowz .
Now never create portals to help this annoying hi levels .
Just tell a story about big bad barb that killed king and you can open .
After 1 hour most you level 75.
You must have 110 stangh and 90 to be readdy for burrito !!
Make sure that until lev 75 you havent fired single arrow for party hlp.
Hey my little brother tries escape . Punch punch punch .
What i find his food . Hlap Hloop i eat it. Few punches to stop crying that noob.

Now leave cowz and fing gamez with high levs .
Cry and beg !!!! I waz hakezed !!!
I waz pooped !!! I waz trade scammed .
Note the game of all the helpfull noobz so that you can pk them later .

After 2 hours i had my wonterfull uber burrito and i immidiatelly ate went to wc punch my brother ate more and put 20 points to "GA GA GA " arrowz !!!

I made wonterfull discovery that BURIZA with GA has coolez "always pircez " property . That means that it hit 5 times instead of one in pk . !!!!!
Cool .
And i know better to get great glovez
Da greena "Claglaw pooncers "
and da Mask da rare Blakthhords !!!

Daz itemez have most wonterfull slow property that cannot be contered .
Enermy becomes BLUE and MOVES very slowez.

These great itemezs equalize Diabla Gamez !!!
De other may have spewnt hundtrets of $$$$ on e-bay or years playing that gamez but everybody becomes blue slowwez and diez easily when used .

Wow !!! Most wonterfulled !!!!

Punch punch my brother and eats more sweets !!!!

Now char guide !!!

Vs funny necro .
Kill him . Difficult !!! You may have to aim necro not minions . Remember to place buriza !! in weapon slot and claglw in gloves slot first .
Remember buy arrowz no no i meant the other kind for BURIZZA !!!!!

Use GA . Make him blue and he dies .

Warnez !!!! Some of these funny necra play for yearez !!! If they leave game and come back with 99 char stay in town and spam that they are ith !!! if barb , occulus ring user if sorca and ith bowz if ama !!! . Dont engage them just spam !!!! them.

Druid !!!

Spare the life of elemental druidz !!!
It is wierd and funny to find these noobs in hell.

Other kind just select the GA skill press some button in mouse and they turn blue and die just like necro !!!
Very funny !!!!
Like punching your small brother or putting cockroaches in girlz dresses .
Those idiot gilz that call me fatty .Only if kood punch them too !!

Barbez Buriza buriza and watch da arrows p[iercez them again and again and them becoming slowez and dieing from you little ama !!!!
But warnez !!! If they teleportez like socaz they are badz !!!! Leave game maxi fast !!!!
Note their account and go on all channels !!! Spam !!! Teleportez barb !!!! Scam cheater acount whatever !!!!

Assa !!!

Buriza Buriza from afar !!! If you see asterisks over you head and cannot move leave game and do same as barbs !!!
Those scammy cheaters stop you from moving !!! This big unfair !!!!

Sorca !!!

If they teleporst fast and your arrows cant hit them they have no right to do so !!!! They probably use ith teleport !!!!
Do same as barb !!!
Otherwise they turn blue and die !!!

Palla !!! No problemas GA press mouse .
You peka ownage silly palas !!!
Blue slow and dead !!!!

Ama !!! Dont duel them at all !!
Just stay town and spam everybody that they use ith bows !!!

After that note name and go all channels and claim that they used ith kuko bow !!!
If they ask tell them you play in mousenet not in battlenet !!!

In just a few hours i can piss 50 grownups with total pk ownage .
It does not matter if they have spend 1000 hours in game or 100 $$ in e-bay .

Bloozard in just a few days 1000 poor little fatty kiddos like me can considerably lighten your server load !!!

Thank you Bloozard !!!

Dont change anything in 1.10 .

Dont even make it !!!

We love you !!!
No change for slow burizons !!!

We love slow, cleglaw and pierce burizza !!!

Great balance in your game !!!

Now i just look for nosfa-cow elite beltez !!!!

Let me find it and i become UBER FATTY GOSU ELITE !!!

Now my wish is you bookmark my cool guidez and post linkez to everybody that wants BURRITA CANNON guide !!!

Can it be immortalised in the lots of gides thingas of your woobiesite !!!!

Please tell me how many errors my six year old brother made in typing guide so that i can punch him equal timez .


I am go become more fatty now !!!!


Diabloii.Net Member
:lol: damn u Durf, for reposting that "guide".. its the ubAr-l337 :lol:

great stuff,



Diabloii.Net Member
I can't believe someone actually posted that. Their grasp of the English language is so sub-par that they need to be beaten, taken out, tied up, then beaten again several more times.


Diabloii.Net Member
Ravenforce: Rest assured that chrisbeddoes was in full parody mode when he created this masterpiece.

If you need to beat someone, beat the kids who inspired it. ;)


Diabloii.Net Member
Wow... I think that kid went to my school... *checks description* definitely sounds familiar...


Diablo: IncGamers Member
Never gets old. Classic stuff. :lol:

Can't believe anyone would treat it as a serious peice, too. ;)


Diabloii.Net Member
Shows that being legit doesn't prevent you from being a moron.

BTW, I am beginning to get an appreciation of how hideous the piercing Guided Arrow thing was. Good riddance (but now we have Enigma).

Liter Soul

Diabloii.Net Member
The sad part is after two years of battle.net play I can read that, easy. Now that's the sort of thing I left for. I can live without ATMA and /players settings, but people like this are what battle.net seemed to be all about. A haven for idiots. Legit players? Sure. But you could never tell with all the begging going on.


Diabloii.Net Member

I blame durf for almost making me want to play on Battlenet.....
Must resist ..... :)



Diablo: IncGamers Member
first reaction :scared:

second reaction :rant:

let it be so that this forum and others dont fall so low.


Diabloii.Net Member
DurfBarian said:
A guy named chrisbeddoes posted this long ago. I still have the text, as it turns out. I wonder if it still works in 1.10 . . . Enjoy!
Nope, it doesn't work anymore.

IIRC an actual flame war arose because of the guide when it was first posted. The whole thread was just hilarious...