Thanksgiving Fan Fiction Flashback


As HK’s recent posts have shown, we’ve been working to resurrect our old fan fiction bastion, The Dark Library, in preparation for the upcoming fun of Diablo 3 fan fiction. Prompted by that, and today’s US Thanksgiving holiday, I dug up and reposted the Thanksgiving fan fiction I wrote back in 2002. This was the first of five humorous holiday stories staring the seven characters as they engaged in holiday-themed activities with the monsters.

In this first installment it’s Thanksgiving, a truce has been declared, and everyone has assembled for a friendly meal. But how long can a meal stay peaceful with seven characters and six bloodthirsty demons competing for the same turkey, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie?

Here’s a short quote; click to read the whole story in our revitalized FFF.

Steam rose from the giant bird, and picking up the long carving knife, Diablo asked, “Who wants white meat?”

“Allow me.” spoke the Paladin, and leaping to his feet, he snatched the knife away from Diablo. The demons recoiled in alarm as the Paladin’s arm became a blur of Zeal, striking the Turkey faster than the eye could follow. Just seconds later he dropped the knife and sat back down, wiping the splatters of grease off of his hand.

“Well,” said Diablo, eying the perfectly sliced turkey. “I guess that skill does come in handy at times.”

The Lord of Terror leaned over and stabbed several slices, lifting them with the fork and carving knife. Plates were passed and loaded with turkey, and the meal began. The Barbarian ate hugely, stuffing slices of turkey and globs of stuffing into his mouth with his bare hands. Next to him the Sorceress looked horrified as she took small, neat bites, occasionally pausing to emit a flame or puff of frost from one finger, as she heated or cooled a bit of turkey to the perfect temperature.

Tagged As: | Categories: Fan Fiction, Fan Stuff, Humour

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  1. I liked the pet at first, but I got sick of it. Allies on the battlefield are fine for me as long as they are doing their own thing, sort of like the barbarians of the Bloody Foothills.

    I hate being forced to have a pet that I have to command, equip, and give spells; it’s just more responsibility than I care to have. I only enjoy building up my own character.

    Allies would be more exciting if they acted independently of me. I don’t have to be lonely fighting against the tides of evil, because somehow they have a plan. The barbarians were out there fighting baal. It was hopeless, but they still had a plan. Sadly, my pets only plan is to obey my command. That ultimately makes me 100% responsible for what goes on on the battlefield.

    Torchlight did have 2 quest people who had a plan to defeat the evil, but one died on the 4th level and the other was only good for getting captured. There was a miner in the 1st level who could utterly crush monsters but he stayed in that one room.

    Diablo 1 was lonely but I enjoyed it because it was scary. And I didn’t feel like the storyline was on a rail, with quest characters pointing me this way and that. Torchlight just has a shallow plot, the pet and the cartoon graphics prevent you from being scared, and the game is repetitive and unbalanced.

    I got my 20$ dollars worth in the first five hours, but after that the game was just PAINFUL and it NEVER ended. Playing it was worse than a chore after a while.

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