Reclusive eccentric Stillman is back with another dissection of a well known Diablo 2 character. This week, the question is: who do you suppose is the best at castrating the the Oblivion Knights of Act 4? Could it be a specific cookie cutter build or maybe a new character you are trying right now? No, it’s actaully Blizzard. Nothing in the world can hurt them as much as patch 1.13. Click through below for the full story on Chaos runs post patch 1.13.

    Oblivious Knights

    When Blizzard plugged the dreaded Oblivion Knights back into the bnet matrix, something went…splat, or crunch, or ?Uuuuhhhngh.? The Oblivion Knights once had a whole repertoire of curses. Now, they can never cast Lower Resist or Iron Maiden, and Decrepify often looks like a splash of new paint on your character’s thought cloud but has no other effect. It is as if the most powerful and intelligent monster in the game went in for some rhinoplasty and got a lobotomy instead. And we all know when this broken bad guy will get fixed and restored to his former glory…

    Never. Why, that would be like taking Enigma away.

    Welcome to happy land, fellow Chaos runners. The Chaos Sanctuary was the most efficiently packed, high treasure class slaughterhouse in the game next to cows, but with better experience gains. You could go in there and use all you know to exploit the general bad AI we all know and love. Now it is…somehow much easier. It seems the Oblivion Knights’ younger brothers, the Abyss Knights, on the river bed just outside of the Chaos Sanctuary are the real threat now. At least they have that glitchy thing going on where a mob of them will sometimes nudge a bit…but really they are firing INVISIBLE shots at you in unison! The Oblivion Knights’ current status makes you wonder what the Player Test Realm was for if Diablo’s greatest defense system is left behind as quivering jelly.

    Oblivion Knights are still pretty awesome just for being what they are. These undead warrior mages with Necromancer skills and standard issue splint armor show off the finest of the Diablo world’s unique characters. There is nothing quite like Oblivion Knights, whereas in WoW, it seems the the whole player character selection is copy n’ pasted from Dungeons and Dragons. Even better is how Oblivion Knights made life hell for us, especially if you relied on cold damage as your main punch. With 180 cold resistance, these royal guards bleed liquid nitrogen. 

    One weird thing, however, is how they often cast curses all at once even though only one curse can be active at a time. They are like girls cat fighting over who gets to stare at me the most. If I were there, I would jump in and tell them to kiss and make out?I mean kiss and make up. Long story short, Oblivion Knights should not make fools of themselves by overriding each others curses.

    But this cheap AI could be forgiven. After all, it is inside the Chaos Sanctuary, so we half expect the chaos of many curses competing with each other. What no one expected, though, was the loss of three of their strongest curses. Let’s see what this scholarly bespectacled mouse thinks of the situation.

    And what happened to Infector of Souls? He is mentally retarded after 1.13 got its hands on him. You now have to run up almost nose to nose with him before he and his mob know of your existence.

    Man, could this game get any easier? Look at this madness:


    This is just after a few dozen Chaos runs. So it’s infinite respecs for everyone at no real cost. Dammit Diablo, I thought we were friends. Instead of dropping something that could be valuable, he now must make room to carry garbage red powder every few games. How many of these gimmicks do we need on top of the pointless Standard of Heros, easy-to-get keys, organs identical to quest items, and the annihilus items that reward soj duping?   
    Looking on the bright side, at least this will drive godly items to become even more paramount now that your character’s build is truly and forever irrelevant. But that just means magic find gear is even more required and you are even more of an idiot and outcast for not using it. Yet, most agree that any magic find beyond 250-300 is kind of useless, so nothing really changes. Hmm, what else? Anyone below level 90 is ‘low level.’ This noob bar might rise to 95 by mid season.

    I know most of us yearn for more patch work, and we should be grateful for some of the much needed fixes the latest patch provided, but be careful what you wish for. It seems the game only gets less challenging and more laughable and exploitable with every patch. It’s like watching Earnest goes to Hell where Earnest makes Hell a more lovable, friendly place.

    [Do not click the yellow text. That movie does not exist. Clicking it will send you to the Golden Girls eating cheesecake. Or was that the Enigma link??]

    So while Infector of Souls watches Viagra commercials ever so keenly, we will be picking off his thugs in that ‘divide and conquer’ approach. Of course, it will be like dividing and conquering retarded blind school children overdosing on amphetamines, but all is fair in love and war (whatever that means). And while Oblivion Knights fire off a chain of Bone Spirits that still actually hurt, we will pat them on the back…with a Grief Phase Blade. Did I mention high runes seem to drop more freqently in Chaos Sanctuary than mid runes? See you all there!

    Rest in pieces, Oblivion Knights. And gimme your stuff.

    Opinions expressed in columns and guest articles are those of their authors, and not necessarily those of Diii.net.

    Stillman’s Slab is where all Diablo characters are dissected and examined piece by piece. It is written by Nicholas Stillman to reintroduce Diablo series topics in a new light or put forth novel themes that have not been fully explored in the forums. Slurry collected from the centrifuge will always contain something new and unheard of at the time of publication. Post your comments below or directly.

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