More April Fools from Blizzard


In addition to all the stuff posted below, Blizzard is offering more April Fool’sishness, for those who wish to partake. Why more? Because MOAR!

They’re offering a new Battle.net matchmaking system where you’re sure to find the pasty basement dweller of your dreams. There’s a nifty, fully-functional matching script on the page, tempting user photos, testimonials, and a promotional video that must be seen to be properly appreciated.

True Connection
I never thought Battle.net would find someone for me, I’m just too free-spirited and independent. But when the system matched me with her and we started our 2v2 team, it was like I’d met my soulmate. I still sometimes can’t believe I found her. We’ve been in the Platinum league for two months now, and we’re expecting our first pro-tournament later this year. I couldn’t be happier.
by Narwhal.bacon

Safe and Buffed
I?m looking forward to playing Diablo III co-op, and finding someone who is coordinated and has great communication skills is super important to me. I met him on Battle.net, and we immediately clicked. He’s always on top of any situation, and I feel so safe when I’m with him. He’s my best friend; I couldn’t imagine a future fighting the Prime Evils with anybody else.
by Flywheel

Blizzard is also offering a preview of two upcoming mobile games: Blackthorne 2: Thorne Harder, and Queen’s Quest. Check out the page for exclusive screenshots and a full listing of features. Here’s a quote:


Blackthorne 2
Sixteen years have passed on Earth since Kyle Blackthorne returned to his homeworld, the futuristic planet of Tuul. There he rescued its inhabitants, the Tuulips, overthrew the evil Sarlac, and reclaimed his father’s kingdom. But now, a new threat stirs beyond a torn horizon, and only one man can stop the darkness closing in… on Earth.

Unwilling to let another world he had called home be crushed in the wicked grip of the orc blight, Blackthorne abandons his (black) throne and uses the power of the Lightstone to travel back to Earth. But what awaits him at the other end of the world portal is like nothing he could have expected, and the stakes are higher than ever before….

The bestselling action adventure shooter returns… and this time, it’s personal.

Queen’s Quest
In the wake of the Brood War, many are still struggling to find their way amid the swath of destruction left by the clash of the terrans, protoss, and zerg. But one journey in particular will prove to be more harrowing, more challenging, and more epic than anything yet seen: the journey of the Queen of Blades.

To bring this story of betrayal, love, action, drama, comedy, life, death, destiny, freedom, war, peace, hope, despair, and epic adventure to life, you’ll have the power of written language at your fingertips. Our game designers spent years in order to harness the force of words with a simple yet powerful interface to immerse you in the StarCraft universe like you’ve never been before. The result of this momentous effort is the Adventuring Game Ingine. Using a revolutionary technology known as a TEXT PARSER, you will guide the Queen of Blades on a quest to save the Swarm from ultimate destruction. This cutting edge of natural human interface development will allow you to save the galaxy or destroy it… with your words.

The Blizzard CMs spread six scrambled phrases across their various social media outlets, challenging fans to decode them into a poem. The correct solution was worked out in a long thread on the WoW forums, and you can scroll through the several hundred posts if you want to relive the I Love Bees style madness. Here’s a quote to simplify things.

The collective community has found hints today hidden in posts through out a lot of Blizzards social networks.
There are 6 lines of a poem, hidden in an anagram form:

1. Jerk of optional halitosis.
2. Worriedly of toothiest sneak thief.
3. Ghoulish Odd Torture.
4. Move you in humanity.
5. Throw up of tinny breakage.
6. Im the fuzzy bold romantic

This post is to decipher what they are. Please read the pages of this post, It seems there are a number of blue riddles in the thread.

And the solution, confirmed by Bashiok:

1. This April fool is not a joke,
2. The fires of hilarity we do not stoke
3. Though to our riddles,
4. You have no immunity
5. We thank you for being part
6. Of the blizzard community!

Elsewhere, a couple of WoW-themed jokes went on. All character images in the WoW Armory were changed to Tuskarrs, a sort of Walrus-people. Also, everyone’s profession became “fishing,” achievements got “cheesed,” and all items were displayed as “Ninja’ed” or “Vendor’ed.”

The “Equipment Potency Equivalency Number,” or EPEEN. system was introduced. The page is full of jokes about epeen and funny screenshots, so check it out. In a sign that this is a good joke, players who know it’s a joke are still advocating for it to be added to the game, in modified form. Much tongue-in-cheek blue discussion follows.

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