Datamined new “Basic” tooltips *Parody*


The latest patch has been datamined and we have a few examples of the new, more basic Tooltips that Bashiok mentioned previously. Many players were concerned by that announcement, and felt Blizzard was dumbing down the game by simplifying the already quite simple tooltips. Player protests were for naught though, as Blizzard remains adamant that these changes will improve tooltips for the better.

Here are some of the new tooltips for Barbarian skills, and as you can see, the new tooltips are indeed instantly understandable, without a lot words or any confusing numbers. These might be considered spoilery, so we’ve put them below the fold. Click through to see the details.

Bash
Hit baddies hard. Make Fury.

 

Cleave
Hit many baddies hard. Make more Fury than Bash.

 


Ignore Pain

Makes less owwwies from baddies.
Cooldown: Kinda long.

 


Weapon Throw
Throw axe. Big hurt baddies. Much Fury cost.

 

Whirlwind
Spin around and hit many baddies. Costs some Fury, then more Fury.

 

Threatening Shout
Makes baddies unstronger.

 

Wrath of the Berserker
Hulk smash. WREASTLING!
Cooldown: Take a snack break.

Disclaimer: These are jokes and not real. In case it wasn’t obvious enough!

Tagged As: | Categories: Humour

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  1. I didn’t know blizzard hires 2nd graders for interface design 😛

  2. Is this a troll post?

  3. These descriptions, while getting the general point across, are asinine. I sincerely hope that the Diablo franchise, or Blizzard for that matter, has not stooped to only catering to mostly “new” players (though that seems to be a trend these days). The veterans demand representation too!

  4. Why can’t they just implement one simple and one advanced tooltip and let the player choose what he or she wants to display. Both are happy.

    • Blizzard can’t just dumb down the game only for the noobs. Otherwise they will whine because normal players can use their brains to plan builds while they cannot. Using your brain is almost cheating these days.

  5. April Fools come late this year? 8)

  6. I thought QQ posts were reserved for b.net general discussion forums, not front page news.

  7. Who is the troll? Azzure or Blizz? 😐

  8. You totally made a funny there.

    One problem, its believable :*(

  9. This looks like a sick joke….

  10. Would have been a great Apil Fools joke, now it just seems random for the front page. Ah well.

  11. Hey, I know, let’s hire FriskyDingo or Perm as site editors.

  12. Leap Attack
    Jumps on baddie
     
    War Cry
    Me tough guy, me not cry
     
    Ancient Spear
    An old spear
     
     
     
     
     

  13. Well this just was the last straw in a long line of pitiful posts. You’ve just lost a (very) loyal reader. I’ve been reading this site since the Diablo II announcement and I always considered it a very awesome and quick information driven site with great love.

    What I’ve experienced since its Diablo III days is mostly cynical posts from the old staff (Flux, I have no idea what’s wrong with you, but if you don’t like the game just don’t write about it, this is a fansite, emphasis on “fan”), and attention grabbing posts like this which are marked as “satire” later.

    A word of advice: All of you sound like old people saying “In my days it was better”. Get a grip and make peace that the times have changed, the team has changed, and this is not a game for a core audience anymore. Does that suck? No. It will still be enjoyable. The little lore I learned on the Blizzcon QA panel regarding this one blows the first two stories out of the water. And let’s be honest: The first one had little to no story to begin with, only atmosphere.

    Alas, this is the internet and there are plenty of options to go around. I am saddened that a wonderful site that had amazing features and so much love in it (I can vividly remember reading Gaile’s frame by frame breakdown of the intro cinematic trailer for Diablo II) has now decided that frame by frame is not interesting. It is interesting to post some half arsed humor to appease the community of cynics and trolls. Hats off, gentlemen. Hats off.

    • You’re right, this is a fansite. It seems you were expecting a fawnsite: in which case, go elsewhere.

    • “Dear free fansite proprietors, I am disgusted with the way Diablo fans are depicted on your web site. We are not all vibrant, fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of posts I never want to read on your site again. Number one: satire. Number two: opinion. Number three: things that aren’t appealing to me.”

      (props to Grandpa Simpson)

      … In other words, aren’t you overreacting a bit? I can’t help but roll my eyes every time I read one of these “Well, I never, you have just LOST A LOYAL READER” posts. If you don’t like the site’s content fine, but honestly, I can forgive a random jokey post that falls flat in between all the comprehensive great timely news and analysis. And I’m the first one to play the “it was better when…” card.

      • To be fair, when this was first posted it didn’t say *Parody* and didn’t have the disclaimer at the bottom. Hence some of the first few replies taking it seriously. I posted a rather negative reply here, which apparently was deleted, and next time I checked back it had these tags added.

        neshill is still living in a dream world, though.

        • Then you are dumb, it was obviously a joke post. I mean “Punch baddie hard.” – seriously? How stupid would you have to be to fall for that?

          • Where did I say I fell for it? I said I posted a negative comment. incgamers has never posted ‘joke’ posts on the main news feed, except at April 1st. That is part of why I like incgamers.

            Flux sometimes posts his opinions in news stories, but very seldom does he ever post only his opinion. All of his opinions are backed up with arguments and reasoning.

    • It’s quite funny you say that, I’m actually one of the biggest Blizzard fans around (a lot of people on these forums call me a fanboy even). There is nothing wrong with a bit of humor and taking the piss every once in a while 🙂
      In a nutshell – take a chill pill. We all love Diablo here at incgamers. We wouldn’t be putting in many hours a day working on the site if we didn’t. We are the most hardcore fans around.
       

    • You seriously need to re-evaluate your life if you really are that upset from a simple parody aimed at taking the piss out of the tooltips situation.

      • Personally, I cried my eyes out until they were dried to dust. They blew away in the wind.
        My heart is forever broken, and it cannot be repaired. I wrote about it in my diary but I guess I can share it here, too.

        (My forum post parody was totally better 😛 )

    • Well lets say concerning this specific post its overacted, but as he said it was last straws. and he implies there have been many straw. Though most people will hate to admit it, he does have a point.
      I still remember how ppl complained about the removal of the stupid, unnecessary weapon switch button. including Flux.

      • It’s amazing how features a person doesn’t like or use are unnecessary and stupid. Where as features they do like and use are essential and mandatory.  Good thing your personal tastes are the arbiter of all values. Saves the rest of us from needing to form our own opinions.

        • If an opinion was advertised just as such (a personal taste) – instead of an opinion of true Diablo player, that if disagreed with is probably by noobs and blizz fanboys, and that Jay Wilson is ruining the possibility of Diablo 2.5, and dumbing down your game – then it wouldve been just fine.
          Trying to see things from multiple perspectives can mostly be beneficial.

    • I agree that a troll post may be a little excessive, but this fansite is the only one that its not run by ass kissers. All the other are just like “Look how amazing Blizzard is! They are perfect! They can’t make mistakes! They can have all my money no matter what they do”. Fuck this shit!!!!!!

  14. Rofl 🙂

    If anyone takes this serious, I think it’s time to take a chill pill. If it is indeed datamined directly, it’s without a doubt Blizz knowing that it’s going to happen and decided to have a bit of fun with it.
    Remember that tooltips will only be a database edit and will be extremely easy for them to change…
    In any case, I enjoyed it 🙂

  15. [deleted, it was supposed to be a reply to an earlier post]

  16. On a side note, the weapon throw icon sucks big time. It clearly does not give you the sense of a flying deadly weapon.

  17. I nearly took it seriously……. maybe blizz will cater for kindergarteners! 😛

  18. Can’t wait for the new, simplified tooltips. In all honesty, who needs numbers in a game ? Games are supposed to be fun, not math grind. While we’re at it, I want simplified item comparison tooltips as well. Comparing two chests would look like thusly:
    + Colour
    – Shiny
    + Breasts Slots
    +/- Number Stuff
    And we would all be happy. (Blizz, if you’re reading, it’s a joke, FFS !)

  19. hey guys,here is an interesting topic from us battle net forums:
    http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/3657432730

  20. extremely frequent reader, but extremely infrequent poster. i logged in just to say “not funny”. 🙁

  21. The conecept of “cooldown” is too complex… they should have removed it with the tooltip

  22. Lets wait until we see the real noobfriendly tooltips before we start to cry.

  23. well i certainly liked this more than flux`s Votes / and “news” conjourations out of thin air :p (with just as much substance as air ) – or the weekly bobby bashing and eye-sparkle jokes

  24. is this supposed to be fun? i am of the opinion that this site should only allow posts from flux and elly

  25. Being a fan means that you must love everything with your heart and soul and never ever make fun of or criticize blizzard things. What pussies.

    • Normally I understand sarcasm, but lately its been hard to identify a sarcastic post with this horde of fanboys out there yelling that Blizzard is perfect.

  26. Amazing post. Very fun way to start the day.

  27. There are several other sites for people who don’t want honest opinions or the occasional joke directed at Blizzard. If this site ever becomes like that I will start looking elsewhere for my diablo news.
     
    That many people took this seriously says alot about Blizzards decisions lately doesn’t it? 🙄

  28. Lol, how can people get angry at this post?

    Good one, keep the lulz coming   :mrgreen:

  29. Post this on the official forums… The more people that oppose this, the more Blizzard will understand that their decisions are not always what the fans in general need/want…

    Also, I’m pretty sure that Bash gives more fury than Cleave…

  30. very nice and funny similar what i thought myself item comparison = more powah, less powah 😉 . Keep good work Azzure. And I am little depressed that You were forced to edit it and add fiction warning, its little sad 🙁

  31. Game delayed 4 more months to redefine what tooltips mean to the rpg genre. It is going to be ground breaking, something players have never seen before.

    • Actually the game was delayed because of the Korean opposition to the RMAH. Blizzard don’t want to admit their AH is pure evil so they are doing everything to change the current situation, and while they keep trying why not dumb down the game a little more?

  32. Aside from being incredibly hilarious they also bring up a problem with the simplifying, it’s more well thought-out than they might seem.

  33. Epic tooltpics. Hope people will understand.

  34. Fuck me dead, you had me going there…

    /breathes a sigh of relief

    Not sure if I’m gullible or just worried by how simple these tooltips are going to be..

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