Bring a Diablo Character into the Real World?

Blizzard’s posted one of their “involve the community with conversation that hopefully won’t turn into a QQ-fest” topics, and it’s one I found kind of interesting. Quoth:

The world of Diablo III is populated with a wide range of characters and personalities. Some call Sanctuary home — heroes, artisans, followers, merchants, strange beasts, and more – while others claim the High Heavens or Burning Hells as their domain. Although each has their own unique story to tell, few would likely make for desirable company outside their digital realm.

But everyone, be it a Fallen Shaman, Archangel, or cunning scoundrel, sometimes needs some time off from battling for Sanctuary’s future. So, for our latest community question, we want to ask:

You get to hang out with one Diablo III character for a day. Who do you choose?

Admit it, this is your pose with Eirena, IRL.

Admit it, this is your pose with Eirena, IRL.

Most of the replies in the blue thread are about five words long, and are to the tune of, “Female DH becuz hawt!” I can see a certain appeal to that, but not to get all fan fiction-y, but if you actually roleplayed that concept… why in hell would any of these mighty nephalem warriors settle for spending their time with pasty computer gamers like us? At best it would be like hoverhand theater. (I mean all those other gamers. You and I are special and different, naturally.)

If the living embodiment of some character of Sanctuary magically appeared in our world, what hubris we possess to think they’d want to spend their day with their summoner? That said, what would they actually do? Envision a Demon Hunter out firing a thousand arrows into oncoming rush hour traffic, for a start. Could be some funny stories there; Zoltan Kulle would certainly be a bundle of laughs, as he instantly infiltrated the government and was ruling your country from behind the scenes within a week. With any luck you’d hear his demonic laugh one last time as the missiles fell.

Ironically, the best visual representation of this sort of thing comes from 13 years ago, via the Diablo 2 TV commercial.

Tagged As: | Categories: Blue Posts, Fan Fiction, Fan Stuff, Humour


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  1. My vote would go to an Elite Arcane/Frozen/Vortex/Mortar Scavenger, or one of the Act 2 bees, from MP 10 Inferno. It would be hillarious to see some little pest destroying entire armies/cities. It’s kind of funny how in D3 even a little bug can potentially be far more dangerous than the Prime Evil.

    • Ah yes, but the little bugs can’t lecture you to death. Thus does Diablo/Azmodan win even while losing.

  2. Leah. Cause then she’d be the one with crazy stories nobody believes, when she got back.

    …And she’s hot.

  3. The Cow King and his horde of Hell Bovines. Definitely. I’d let him realize world peace.

  4. The Mystic, at least then that poor lady would have to be let out from wherever Bliz hid her.

  5. seriously, where are we here, in kindergarten? every time they post such a thread, i feel passively ashamed for them. i’m only just waiting for “which of the diablo 3 characters would you like to have a pyjama party with?”

  6. Andariel. Because tits.

  7. I would bring Maghda into the real world. I would pound her tight little anus relentlessly. I just picture these little butterfly magics poofing out of her vagine with every thrust up that hershey highway.

    Mentally I see her taking it with dignity. I imagine her having this stoic but very distant look on her face. Probably saying something defiant between thrusts… like “UGH you may be UGH violating my poop chute UGH now heroes. UGH but while your manhood is trapped within my UGH brown catacombs my armies are UGH invading Tristram. HaaaaahahahahahUGH…

  8. The D2 commercial is great.

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